A Little More Truth

You know, I was going to write some big post about what I want to do with my life, but I decided I could sum it up better in a short one:

I may be a Music Business/Management major at Berklee, but that doesn't mean anything.
I want to write songs*, play shows, build a fanbase as well as an online presence, and release records. In that order. Well, not necessarily, but I need the first two to do the last three.
I want to develop myself as an artist (with help/advice from others of course).
I want to meet and connect with as many people/music lovers as possible.
I want to get in a van and go.
I want to play festivals.
I want to jam. A lot.

So yeah. That just about sums it up.

And at some point in my life, I am going to write a Broadway musical. I just need a story.

*I already write songs, and have been doing so for over five years. You can hear a couple on the right. One of them will be coming to you on an EP and at shows soon.

Vienna/Torn

Sometimes I feel like I'm the person Billy Joel is talking about in his song Vienna. I'm gonna break it down:

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?

At this point, I haven't really done anything that would warrant Bill to tell me to slow down. However, the rest of the verse is true. If I know I can do it, why am I afraid to do it? I'm not afraid. I don't have time right now to do what I want. "He who hesitates is lost." I hesitated this semester, and I lost, but not really. I just didn't do exactly what I had in mind. I didn't count on needing a transitional period. That set everything back.

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

Currently, there aren't enough hours in the day. I've cooled off some things, and I've been setting other things on fire. So that's not really anything new.

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Oh God...That's so true. I believe in a go-go-go lifestyle because of that saying really. I'm not quite as bad as the person in the song. At least not right now. I've slowed down some stuff and sped up others.

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)

I tell myself this constantly. I'm always wanting to do more, but I can't always do more. It's a tricky situation. Some people walk through life because they don't want to miss anything. Some people run through life because they want to reach their destination as fast as they can. I fall somewhere in between those two kinds of people. I think I jog through life. I don't spend too much time on any one moment like some of the walkers would do, but I don't keep my eyes on the prize all the time like the runners do. I speed up more than I slow down, though. Sometimes I stop and smell the roses, but generally I'm going at a brisk pace.

Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right)

This part's not so true about me. Sometimes it is, but on the whole it's not. I do get ahead of myself, but I haven't forgotten what I need. I'm quite aware of what I need.

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Passion, check. Pride, check. However, I can be satisfied. At least for a moment. It doesn't last long because dwelling on anything--good or bad--is not healthy. It's okay to be nostaligic once in a while.

Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true. How many times have we all heard that? I always find it somewhat amusing and irritating when successful people tell the public stuff like that. You had a dream, and it came true. Well, why can't my dream or somebody else's dream (or dreams) come true? Every single successful/famous person was at one point a normal person with a dream. I don't think Billy Joel's telling us to give up on our dreams, but still, it's not overly encouraging. However, he redeems himself in "James".

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.

At this point, I don't feel I can afford to lose a day. Nevermind two.

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Already talked about...

Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

And Vienna most definitely isn't waiting for me.


I've been feeling torn lately on what I want to do. I know that no matter what I choose to do, I will be happy with my choice. It's just a matter of choosing. One choice (A&R rep) would please just about everyone I know, but I'm not sure if that's what I want to do. It would be the safer of the two. The other option is being a performing songwriter. That would probably please just about everyone I know, but only if I made it "big."

The lyric from "James" that I love so dearly is
Do what's good for you
Or you're no good for anybody

I have time to figure out what's good for me. Thanks, college. I'm going to test out both fields. I'll get a band together for the latter, and I'll intern at record companies over the next four years to get a feel for the first.

To quote one of my own songs:

You've gotta let whatever happens happen
Let things fall into place

(College) Life (in General), and the Who

This is about more than just college life, but I'll start with that.

College..What can I say about it? What can't I say about it? It's a great place. It really is. I've made some really great friends, and it's been a great seven weeks. I have no complaints (other than midterms are coming up), and even though sometimes I crave a campus and books, I know that if I had it I would be begging for concrete and lead sheets.

That being said, I went to my first party tonight. It's funny because my mom was just asking if I had been to any yet and I told her no. It was more of a jam session than a party, but nonetheless there was people and noise (the liquor stores had all closed, not that it had any affect on me). It was pretty fun. I met some cool people, so it's all good.

I have my remaining four midterms this week. Guitar Lab, Ear Training, Harmony, and Writing Skills, in that order. I'm not concerned with my Guitar Lab midterm at all. I have a few patterns to memorize, but it won't be a problem. Easy A. I'm a little worried about my Ear Training midterm because I'll probably end up singing the hardest melodies we've done. It's completely random, but I'll end up singing the most difficult ones. It's alright, I have until Wednesday. I'm not worried about the material on my Harmony midterm, I'm worried about the time limit. I only have 50 minutes, and I really want to ace it. If I study enough, I'll be fine. I know what I know, and I know what I don't know, if that makes sense. I have to work on what I don't know more than what I know, and I know that makes sense. My Writing Skills midterm shouldn't be too difficult. Plus it's not until Thursday. Plenty of time to prepare. I'm more concerned about getting my homework done than I am about doing well on my midterms. I have to write a list of changes I would make in secondary education in America, create a track on Reason, write out a drum pattern with a bass line that grooves with the drums, and study. All of this is due by Wednesday (most of it is due Tuesday).

On top of all that, I have to go for a run tomorrow and start eating healthier. I'm going to start a food journal. I have to, otherwise I'll live off cereal and sweets with the occasional peanut butter sandwich. Okay, so it's not that bad, but it's not that good, either.

I also need to start a "career journal." I know what I want to do already, so it's more like a direction journal. How to get to where I want to be. Technically, I already have one started. My lyrics/idea notebook is exactly that. This one will be much more focused. Which is what I need to be, focused. It's not like I'm scattered now, I just need to straighten a few things out, but don't we all? In a way, I'm waiting to get it together. I actually have a song by that title. It's not done yet. Fitting. Just give me some more time, I swear it'll all work out.

Once again, Pete Townsend acknowledged my existence. I went to see the Who last night with my mom, Susan, and my friend Tom. And once again, it was an incredible experience, and an unforgettable night. The third time's the charm. Last night was only my second. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but if you do, you know I'm right. It's almost happened twice, thrice if you count Billy Joel. Next time. This also gives me more time to prepare. I could use it, too. Eventually, none of this will be necessary.

I'm gonna leave you now. Probably somewhat confused by that last statement. Cut me some slack. After all, it's almost two in the morning.

(The funny thing is, that's exactly what I want)

Do You Ever Wanna Be More?

I'm not going to begin to try and describe how amazing John Mayer was Saturday night because I can't. He was too good for words. It was my third time seeing him, and the first time I didn't cry of excitement when he came on stage (in a Red Sox jersey. Coco Crisp's to be specific). And like usual, he talked to the crowd a lot and one thing that he said really stuck with me:
"I think it's safe to say that everybody in the world is driven by the need to want to be more than they were yesterday..Or more tomorrow than today. I'm obsessed with it."
That's not the whole quote, he continues on about hotel keys and how he needs to keep it in a lead box because he might "really have to poop later." Hilarious, yes. He then went into one of my favorite songs, "Bigger Than My Body."

It's safe to say that John Mayer and I have the same theory. It's not about wanting more, it's about wanting to be more. If you are more, you'll get more, but that's not the reason I want to be more. It's hard to explain where my drive comes from, or what it even is. I've got most of it figured out. I just need some more time to get it all sorted out. I gotta test some waters and see what feels best. I think I know the answer, but I'll keep it to myself and a few close friends for the time being.

Drive is a funny thing. It's funny how much it's changed over time. When was the last time you heard someone want to say, "I want to be a mailman," (And no, Mr. Stebbins doesn't count) or anything like that. You ask a seventeen-year-old what he or she wants and more often than not you'll get, "I don't know," which is fine--you have your whole life to figure it out. It's either "I don't know" or "I want to be famous." Okay, for what? That seventeen-year-old doesn't have an answer. Do you want to be a reporter? An actor? A musician (yes, please)? An athlete? A businessman? Pick something! Fame is not an occupation. Ignore those people that are just famous for being famous (Paris Hilton, and anyone on MTV). They don't count. They don't do anything.

I can't remember who said it but fame is just a good seat in a restaurant. And if you're talented enough and driven enough, you can attain fame. Maybe not right away, but it will come. It will come. Another thing that was lost (the first is a sense of reality I guess you'd say) is patience. Like the lion in front of the New York Public Library. Patience, my friend, is a virtue.