Does It Ever End?

Do yourselves a favor and never get mono. Never. Get. Mono.

For the past seven weeks or so my life has been turned upside-down. I don't even know where to begin to explain it. I'm repeating myself as it is.

You know what, just don't get mono. Unless you enjoy being debilitated for a bit. I have been attacked, compromised, however you want to look at it, I'm answering to something I don't want to. Not that I typically rail against exhaustion, but usually it's caused by running (something I love dearly). In this case, it's constant.

Lately I haven't been myself. I'm usually in good spirits and bursting with energy. At the moment I'm just alright and pretty tired. I feel like I'm copping out when I say I'm tired because I have mono. Those words don't easily roll off my tongue, which is also unusual.

My whole state of being is unusual. My sleep habits are bizarre. For example, I went to bed at 11.30 last night, didn't fall asleep until after 1, and woke up starving at 6. I thought my stomach was going to eat itself, which is odd because I had a bowl of cereal around 10.45, shortly before I went to bed.

Clearly my eating habits have been bizarre, too. My dad and Bob (my second-dad who has done more than his fair share in terms of listening to me whine about mono) said that my metabolism has gone crazy because of mono and they're probably right. Up until this week I was an eating machine. I was hungry all the time. Now I have to think about whether or not I actually am hungry.

My mom said that one of the reasons I've been feeling down is probably due to my inability to run (out of fear of spleen-rupturing, which would really be the cherry on top of this) and therefore I'm not getting any endorphins. Julia said that as well. To quote Legally Blonde, 'Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands.' Not that I'm married, but that's true, and easily one of my favorite lines from a movie.

My workload is fairly daunting at times. Two months ago it wouldn't have been, but given the circumstances it's intimidating. I'm doing too much: 16 credits (a full schedule at Berklee), Peer Advising, Music Business Club, and the Music Business Journal just to name a few. I didn't cut back out of fear of falling behind, but I think I screwed myself over by not taking a step back. I might withdraw from a class if my energy/normal life doesn't return soon.

My doctor told me that one day I'm gonna wake up and be full of energy. On that day I will and go for a long run by the river while crying tears of joy.